The Modest Life As I Know It

Hello friends! I know that it has been entirely too long--my bad...But I wanted to share a story with y'all that I know will have you instantly forgive me for neglecting my blog.

So I live in California now, and they have the reputation for being more liberal than most in my beloved sleepy south. I was raised to say, "Yes ma'am, no ma'am" "Yes sir, no sir" "Please" and "Thank you." My mother told me to never say anything bad about anyone--to always "bless their hearts," eat whatever is placed in front of me with gratitude, don't talk with my mouth full, stick my tongue out at people, say curse words (cuss words),smack, spit;talk back to an adult, always cross my legs and never ever hit anyone--ever. I was also raised to keep some things to myself--those things deemed "private." For example, going to the bathroom. We don't announce it--we're discrete--it's ladylike and polite. We don't do that. We also don't walk around in our underwear--that's private and it's not proper for a southern girl to be an exhibitionist. It has everything in the world to do with boundaries--respecting one's privacy. I mean, I don't want to see anybody's naked-ness. I don't want to see what your momma may or may not have given to ya and I don't want you seeing what my momma did not give me. I'm cool--keep it to yourself. I mean, I've seen my twin sister naked one time--and that was out of necessity--that is another story in and of itself. I will say that we may be twins, but we are fraternal. I digress. My roommates think that my modesty is funny. Apparently, I'm a rare occurrence--they've never really encountered someone who doesn't use the bathroom with the door open or parades around half naked--or totally. Well, here I am! So they've given me a hard time--all in jest mind you. I have some good stories, most of which I'll be glad to tell you in private. It wouldn't be polite to blog about it. On to my story.

With the previous information in mind, enjoy---this would happen to me. Oh and by the way, IT DID.

I spent one afternoon tanning outside. This day was glorious! Spring had officially "sprung" and I was especially looking forward to enjoying the warm weather as opposed to the Arctic chill I've endured for the past 6 months. I was also delighted to work on my tan--everybody looks better with a little color--this is soooo true. I reveled in the beauty of this sunny day for a few hours, then I came inside, had lunch and proceeded to take a shower. Well, I'm in my bathroom about to hop in and wash the sun off, when I remember that all of my towels were in the dryer. Dangit...So I think to myself, "Nobody's home--just make a break for it." The laundry room just so happens to be on the opposite end of the house...I think, "I can make it, no big deal." I have never walked around naked in the house, let alone run. But, on this day, I made an exception. I chose to forgo any and all wisdom that had been instilled in me--I bowed down to the need for toweledge. Anyway, I stick my head out of my bedroom door--the coast is clear! Sweet! I'm good to go. So I sling open the door, and make a run for it. It was so freeing! I was enjoying the freedom for a moment, then it happened. As I'm turning the corner in a full on sprint, I happen to look towards the front door. There standing in knocking position is a man in a suit. Not just any man, but a Jehovah's Witness! I think, "Oh my God--sweet Jesus! I'm naked and there's a man--a JEHOVAH'S WITNESS--I'M NAKED! I'M NAKED! I'M NAKED!!!" I immediately slid feet first into the great room--the blinds were closed, so I was free from exposure. I peered through the blinds, looking for the man--but he was gone. I thought, "Man that was fast! Oh, well. What just happened? That just happened. I guess the Jehovah's witness, witnessed the glory of the Lord."
That is the first and last time I EVER walk out of the privacy and safety of my bedroom NAKED.