Monday, November 3, 2008

The Secret Life of Bees...


Mobile, AL----At about 10 AM an incident occurred at the corner of Grelot and University. An innocent bystander was assaulted at the Chevron Car Wash by an unnamed subject. The victim described the perpetrator as about 1 inch in size, yellow and black striped with a HUGE stinger. Kristen Lyles, the victim, describes the scene in full: "I was enjoying my new CD and listening to Womanizer by Britney Spears as I pulled up to the car wash. Just as I was singing the chorus at the top of my lungs, I rolled down the driver's side window to enter the super secret car wash code. Then it happened. A ferocious bee with the malicious intention of inflicting pain, flew out of the change tray and into my coiffed hair. As I fought to spare myself from being stung in the eye the bee flew into my jacket. In the midst of the chaos, I had forgotten to put my car in park and The Corolla (The White Cloud, The Ship, Rolla) began to move forward and nearly crashed into the wall. Surprisingly, I managed to enter the code and put on the brakes. The green light came on and I moved forward, still fighting for my life--when suddenly the bee made it's way out of my jacket and onto my steering wheel. I grabbed my Coldplay CD, Viva La Vida, and smacked the bee--thrusting it out of my window and into a nearby bush. Then I quickly rolled my window up. The bee returned to finish what it started and flung itself at my window multiple times. It was a relentless bee and any and all pride it held, I as the victor--squashed it. I was pretty shaken up after the incident and next time I will definitely be more aware of my surroundings and any potential dangers that may threaten the livelihood of my pretty face." Miss Lyles is recovering nicely and did not suffer any injuries, however, she is being closely monitored for Post Traumatic Stress. The perp is still at large, so we ask that the public remain guarded and on the look out for Mr.Bee.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are so funny! Please write my memoir!! I could see it hitting the best sellers list. PLEASE!!

Unknown said...

what did you think about the aliens last night?

Katie said...

Oh my gggggggggggggggggaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh hilarious. HILAR. Amazing. You have now inspired me to share my very OWN bee/yellow jacket story from last week...all credit honor and glory being given to your name. Fabulous picture by the way! ;)

Shane, LaJuan, Jocelyn and Gabbie said...

perhaps the best written funny blog story I've ever read! Hilarious. Seriously...you MUST write a book...you are that talented :) Glad the bee didn't take your life...I know it was a close one...

Love you and miss you tons!!!

Anonymous said...

Whew! Thank goodness you were spared!
I hear some of the more evil species..yellow jackets for example; are hiding in undisclosed locations wearing camo. Be on red alert always. I have been told, by reliable sources; their base camp is in remote wooded areas. They prey on picnic areas; where various food stuffs and soda prove to be great temptations to them. If indeed you decide to go to such an area, take precautions.
Picnics may be invaded by such hellions, and you can trap them with this tactic. What you need is the following:
Pie tins
orange juice
Pour the juice in a pie tin several feet from where you are entertaining that special someone;
watch the meanies drown. Smile.
Operation safe house has the green light. xxoomom