My Accident-Prone Life As I Know It

Hello Friends!

As you all know Wednesday January 7th, we moved from the M-O-B to the utopian waterfront city of Fairhope. Lauren was teaching that day so I had to finish packing. Allow me to elaborate...I woke up at 5, made coffee and was greeted by a squinty-eyed Lauren, who said, "What are you doing up?" I replied, "Well, in case you've forgotten we're moving today and by 'we' I mean 'I' am moving us today while you go and teach adolescents with crazed hormones. She said, "Oh yeah...have fun with that! You can do it Lyles--just keep moving." This reminded me of a scene from the Disney/Pixar film Finding Nemo where Dori, the blue fish voiced by Ellen, keeps saying to herself "just keep swimming." All day long I had that in my head...just keep swimming...and really I had no other choice. At 6 o'clock I packed up Lauren's entire room as well as my own.
This feat demanded that I take apart the beds, which meant that I was to remove all bedding, man-handle the mattresses and box-springs and make good use of the Leatherman WAVE tool Lauren got me for Christmas in 2000. Well, I did all of that. As I was standing in Lauren's room my eyes shifted heavenward and I saw the dreaded ceiling fan... CRAP.
I had to un-install that monstrosity all by my lonesome. This was a rather disconcerting realization because 1) it is really heavy 2) I'm only 5" 2' and cannot reach 8 feet even with the use of a chair and 3) I didn't want to get electrocuted and die. This is not an unfamiliar scenario for me at all--being electrocuted is a reality for me. Just ask anyone who I lived with me during Summer Beach Project 2005---I was electrocuted 3 times. So not cool. Anyway, an hour and a half later I managed to complete this mission. I would like to note that I stood on top of a bed side table on one leg, looking like Captain Morgan. Moving on. I finally finish packing and moved all of our boxes into the center of the den. Most of our boxes contained books...very very large amounts of books...obnoxious amounts of poundage for me to move. With the help of sweet Jesus I made out OK. At 11:00 Two Men and a Truck showed up--early--I was expecting them between 11:30 and 1:30. They blew into my apartment and moved everything out in under 45 minutes. I felt like I had seen an apparition or something...I almost forgot they had been there because it all happened so fast!
Next thing--This is where it gets good so keep reading... Bethany came over, armed with a Foo-snack and a servant's heart and willingly submitted herself to my moving needs. So she and I put all of Lauren's clothes in the back of her Cougar--which has a hatch-back. As we are standing on the posterior end she goes to push Lauren's bag of shoes forward and inadvertently pushed down on her trunk cover--which unlocked the hydraulic mechanism that keeps the trunk open, which in turn sent the trunk flying directly towards my face, where it bypassed my forehead and made it's final resting place on my nose. CRACK!!! "Oh holy crap," I thought. "I just broke my nose!!! Aww man...this has happened before...dangit I don't want to look like my grandfather!!!" Well, it was indeed broken--just confirmed today. On top of that my grandmother (BB) knocked me in the head with a set of metal bed-rails. Her reply was, "Damn!!! I'm sorry Kris. You OK baby? We need to just put you in a padded room. Seriously, I do believe I had a concussion. Thank you for taking the time to read all about my injuries suffered, earned and endured. If I didn't have people to laugh with me I might have to cry. But really, I probably wouldn't. Love y'all and have a great weekend.