The Lord's Creation at MeMaw BB's house...

Daylilie

Daylilies

Japanese Iris

Ferns. I like this perspective.

I love wheat fields! So many principles...

Daisy in BB's front yard.

Agapanthus (Lily of The Nile). If you look closely you'll see a grasshopper in the middle of it

Beautiful Daylilies.

The Mass Hysteria of Life As I Know It

Hello all! I just wanted to share with you my experience at the doctor's office today. I am fine--just had to get a Rx filled...On to the story. The first thing I encounter as I walk through the automatic doors of Thomas Hospital is a volunteer sitting behind a desk. She was wearing a pink lab coat--you know, the older-lady candy-striper badge of honor. I pause and recognize that this lady used to be a Spanish teacher at Fairhope High School and to add to her story--she's deaf in her left ear. How I remember this, I do not know--but alas I do. I say,"Hello" and she responds accordingly. I think to myself, "Dangit, I missed my chance to use whatever practical Spanish I know!" So, I noted that to myself and proceeded to my doctor's office. I take the ride up the elevator which reminds me of the scene in "You've Got Mail." Every time I get on one, I look around at the other passengers and think to myself, "What if we got stuck? What would we talk about? Do I smell B.O.? I don't think I could handle being stuck in an elevator with a smelly person..." I digress. So, I make it to my destination, safe and sound. As I walk into the office to sign in, I notice a box precariously positioned on the counter space right next to the sign-in sheet. On the box was written "Take one if you need it." What was in the box you might ask? Well, this treasure box of free booty was loaded with surgical masks. Yes, surgical masks. Apparently, people in Fairhope, Alabama are taking precautions against the "Swine Flu." Seriously. Or at least if they think they might want to....oh mass hysteria why have you come into the sleepy town of Fairhope? For a fleeting moment I almost helped myself to the masks as a joke of course--but then I opted out of the free gift with purchase that an appointment with my MD offered. On my way out of Thomas Hosptial I spy the former educator turned candy-striper/pink lady and say very confidently, "Hola!" She replied, "Huh???" If only I knew sign language...I suppose this child was indeed left behind with no second language to call my own.

My Big Fat Greek Road Trip

So it's been far too long since my last post! I've got to be honest---I have no idea where to begin! Let me preface by saying that this blog will probably be much like Wednesday is to Friday--just another hump to get over until the fun begins...
OK so let's play catch up...
At the end of February Lauren and I traveled down to Fort Myers, Florida. Getting there was an adventure in and of itself! We left on a Thursday night at 10 o'clock---it takes 9 and a half hours to get to Fort Myers---ummm, yeah. So, I find myself in the backseat of the car for about an hour and a half. Then we stopped at a rest stop near Pensacola. Upon our arrival at the rest area I found that my bladder was about to explode, so I endeavored to use the ladies room. Well, I couldn't. I mean I had a nice conversation with my bladder and try as I might I could not talk it into cooperating. We needed an intercessory--an arbitrator of sorts in order to reach a mutual agreement. After ten minutes had passed (I'm not kidding) my brilliant sister turned on the faucet and left the ladies room. Immediately the flood gates opened. I don't know what my problem was....I've never been "pee-shy." I'm thinking that my bladder has issues with public restrooms---it's a hater. The end. So, that being settled, I finally found relief. I walked outside and standing before me were two very tired, very exhausted individuals. I got tickled :) They are working women after all--I just take classes online and play with Mr. Kitty. So the next thing I know--I've been handed the keys and am now the pilot of this luxury craft--of course Jesus was my co-pilot (that was for you Joy)---and I am now in pursuit of an unknown land 8 hours away. I've never been more thankful for insomia! For those of you who know me best, you know that I do not like to proceed in anything be it a school assignment, relationship or trip--unless I know every detail, aspect, or possible scenario beforehand. Well I didn't. Somewhere deep inside of me I found the strength, courage of mind and where-with-all to accept this challenge and brave into the unknown land of "over-road-worked" Florida. I did have the help of GPS--voiced by a femmebot. Fast forward two hours...I'm driving, listening to my iPod (Coldplay was on) through the stereo--Lauren and Nikki are dead to the world--then it happened. All of a sudden Nikki shot up from the backseat and yelled "Kristen! Kristen! Kristen! Watch out for that guy!" I thought to myself, "Is she dreaming? There is no guy and we're the only ones on the road! She's delusional. Bless her heart." Then, literally an 18 wheeler (semi if you're from Gordo, AL.) came into my lane, almost forcing us off the road. Let me be clear on a couple of things: 1) There were no other cars on the road (it was 2:30 in the morning) and 2) Nikki was semi-snoring in the backseat with her face buried in her pillow--so there was no way she could have seen anything. I suppose the freaky part of this story is "How on earth did she know we were about to almost get in a wreck?" I'm going to go with the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Oh and by the way, this happened again 2 hours later and yes Lauren and Nikki were both asleep. Back to my story. So I drive the entirety of the trip--I am officially a Road Warrior and I've gotta say "it feels good." We get to Nikki's mom's house at 8:30 Friday morning and I note two things: 1) the weather is a beautiful and toasty 95 degrees and 2) I wasn't in Kansas anymore: I was smack dab in the middle of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." Seriously. Nikki's mom's name is Toula, her grandmother is a short, feisty Greek version of Sofia Patrillo (Golden Girls for those who are unfamiliar) named Soula Kondyles--but referred to as "YaYa" and her grandfather's name was, of course, Nick whom they called "Papus." Instead of believing that Windex is the cure-all they stand by the healing capabilities of rubbing alcohal. Seriously. Later on in the day the three of us laid out on the beach by a really cool lighthouse that made me think about a episode of "Most Haunted" I saw on the Travel Channel. I tried to forget about it, but I had already freaked myself out. We were there for about three hours, came home and Lauren and I realized that we were absolutely fried! But only on specific places on our bodies. As I was putting the pre-refrigerated Aloe gel on Lauren, I lifted up her tank top only to discover that there, clearly displayed on her back, were perfect outlines of her hand prints! I laughed, and laughed and laughed some more! Then we started to think about it--I too had a weird outline on my right forearm that was akin to a birthmark and it was extremely red. Side note: My sunburn finally healed this week. After thinking long and hard we realized that where we used the aerosol Banana Boat Sunblock we had 2nd degree burns...OK so not 2nd degree but really, really bad ones. So, to all of you DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT use the spray can--use the regular and reliable lotion of yesteryear. "New" does not always=good. Moving on. We decided to go fishing. We went to Wal*Mart, bought rods, and stopped off to get live shrimp. We didn't have anything to take the shrimp home in, so we opted to use a gallon size Ziploc bag. It worked! The shrimp did not die and the fish blew through our bait! We had to go and get 2 dozen more live shrimp after 45 minutes of delightful fishing. All I have to say is that we should all re-consider our career choices. We caught so many fish--Mangrove Snapper to be exact--impressive, right?! That's it I'm going pro. All I need are a few sponsors. Any takers? Anyway, back to My Big Fat Greek Wedding...We were treated like royalty--they wouldn't allow us to lift a finger--which made me uncomfortable. I felt like a "mooch" It was unsettling for me and just "un-southern." When they would offer us food, they would ask 3 times "Are you hungry? Would you like something to eat? Are you sure?" This is actually a culture-thing. Apparently it is in poor taste to accept food/beverage the first time it is offered to you. I had no clue...Oh it gets better. On Saturday we had a feast of Greek food--Octopus, snapper(our catch of the day),spanakopita, humus, lots of olives, olive oil, pita, stuffed bell peppers, fresh fruit---lots and lots of this. I can't remember everything because I can't pronounce most of what was placed in front of me. Speaking of food being placed in front of me...I took note of my friends' experiences in foreign countries--particularly Lauren and Joy's experience in KZ and LaJuan's in Thailand. From what I gathered, when offered anything from foreign people, you take it--eat it, fight it down, and swallow with a smile. If not then one would commit a serious indiscretion against the hospitable foreign party involved. So, with this in mind, I ate everything. When everyone was finished with the Big Fat Greek dinner, there was still a lot of octopus left and Ya Ya was deeply concerned that it would be wasted. I tried to avoid eye-contact because I knew that if my eyes met with hers that it would be the end of me. Well, dang it if I didn't look at her! This was her opportunity...R.I.P. Kristen's stomach. She said, "Kristen (pronounced 'Chree-sten') don't you want some beautiful octopus? It is very good for the skin and this is the best I've ever tasted." How could I say no to Ya Ya? So I finished the rest of the sea-dwelling creature and afterwards I realized that my pallet had developed a fondness for octopus. Go figure! Oh and just for fun, Ya Ya could never remember Lauren's name and called her whatever came first to mind. My favorite of the names : Ramani. The end. Love y'all and have a great week!

The Good Life As I Know It

25 Things You Need to Know....by popular demand:

1. I was almost attacked by a shark in Destin, Fla. I had been water skiing and had dropped the line. I was waiting patiently, bobbing up and down, for the boat to come back and get me. Unbeknownst to me, I was being stalked by a Bull Shark.

2. While attempting to prepare an area in our backyard for a garden, I dug up our cat that "ran away" 4 years before. I guess he never made it to Vegas...I'd like to add that garbage bags are not biodegradable. Go green?!

3. I have had over 15 concussions and I'm not cognitively impaired...at least I think so. Wait... What was I just talking about?

4. While working at the tanning salon, a convicted felon fell in love with me. For real.

5. Also at Planet Beach, one of my male customers,whom I assume was intoxicated, came out of his room with nothing but a shirt on to tell me that his bed was not "on." The whole naked with only a t-shirt on is only endearing for pre-schoolers.

6. I had plastic surgery done on my face after a deaf Mormon boy hit me in the head with a 6 iron. What? So I've had a little work done...

7. I lost my hearing for 5 minutes after a girl on the opposing softball team hit me in the back of the head while attempting to practice swinging her bat. That's why they have designated circles.

8. Adding to the softball theme: I only struck out once in my career because my coach MADE me...stupid strategy. I'm pretty sure we lost anyway. Way to take one for the team.

9. I have kissed 26+ or - boys, one of which was an Aussie---I guess I'm very diplomatic when it comes to foreign relations....such Trash!!! Don't judge me. I have convictions now!

10. I hate mayonnaise.

11. I have had the Heimlich maneuver performed on me.

12. I have broken my nose twice, dislocated my shoulder twice, broken every finger--thumbs excluded and 3 toes.

13. When I was 10 I was asked to be a foreign exchange student to Ireland. To think I could have gone back to my roots. What might have been....

14. People used to ask my mom and dad if I "really talked like that." As Joy has previously stated, I had an unusually high-pitched voice. Thank God for puberty.

15. I was told that I have a high pain tolerance. I guess that's good news?!

16. I've been in a car that was struck by lightning. I was riding in the back of a Taurus station wagon and saw lightning strike a transformer and then immediately head straight for the car. Let me add that I was sitting next to the Preacher's daughter. Coincidence? I think not.

17. I have been electrocuted 5 times.

18. I accidentally set an apartment complex on fire after burning pictures of my 6th grade boyfriend. Fire and love go together, right? Two years later I caught my sister's room on fire via a scented candle that had dried flowers in the wax.

19. I was left-handed until my parents made me change. According to research, that's a no-no.

20. I was once written up in the 8th grade for kissing my boyfriend on the cheek. If I knew I was about to go down I would have gone out in a blaze of glory and made it worth my while...Interestingly enough, the day we had OCS we stayed after Field Day and cleaned up the school. During my cleaning I stumbled upon an adult video. I told my vice-Principal and he said, "I'll take that."

21. You all know this but I'm going to say it anyway. I once had green hair after I lost my mind during a break-up. In the words of Joy and Eva: "Once you go blonde, you don't go back!" Words to live by girls.

22. I'm good at math especially Trigonometry.

23. I have had 6 majors in my college career and as of today I'm back to my first. The circle of life...

24. I have seen and heard supernatural things. You wanna know, ask me later.

25. I danced onstage with the Beach Boys when I was 4 years old.

Bonus: My family did not know that I existed until ONE month before I was born. I was born breech, weighing a pound less being an inch shorter than Lauren and I failed that test they give newborns because I had jaundice and my right arm didn't work. I had physical therapy for 6 months. Seriously? It's been a battle since birth :) Oh and my delivery was free.