You Got to Know When to Hold Em'...Know When to Fold Em'...

Hello friends!
Sorry for neglecting my blogging duties---I've had a bit of writer's block, well at least until yesterday. Oh yesterday...it happened--a jewel of a story fell right into my lap. What was my first thought? "I have to blog about this asap!" So here I go.
I have been living in Bham for a little over a month and got a job the first week I started looking (Yay! Thank you sweet Jesus!!!). I am working at Best Buy as a "Digital Technologist." Sounds important, right? Don't laugh---cause' it is the hardest job I've ever had! Never thought I'd say that--but I have to know EVERYTHING about computers, digital cameras, digital SLRs, and mp3 players. Becoming an "expert" entails taking many, many certification tests that I have to pass within a 30 day period. So far, I've knocked out half of what I need to do, so that's good :)I really like my job! Okay, so onto my story...
Yesterday was the first day I flew solo in manning the fortress of cameras. I thrive in an autonomous environment--let me go and do my thing and the magic will happen. It started off as a pretty normal day--sold a few cameras and lots of accessories, helped out lots of people--so I was really enjoying myself. At about 7:30pm a gentlemen popped into my section. Now let me preface this by saying that for some reason that day I had decided to right down every encounter I had with customers. Why? I don't know. I felt compelled by The Holy Spirit. I look at this and then look at my list of "encounters" for the day. There he was: #3. So I say to him, "Oh, well hey there! You're back. Good to see you." Ok so I am very friendly, but I AM NO FLIRT. Just need to say that. So he's asking me about the big cameras--you know the ones that cost about as much as a car. Then the red flags(aka The Holy Spirit) start going off all over the place!!! He says to me, "So when do you get off work?" Please, like I'm going to tell a potential stalker when I'm going to be walking to my car...amateur. Well, I say to him, "You know, I don't really know--since I'm new here I really don't have a set schedule--I'm probably closing." In truth I got off work at 8pm--closing is at 10. Then he says, "Well, do you know very many people here (meaning Birmingham)?" So I said, "Oh yeah, I have a lot of friends who live up here!" Then he says it--the most awkward segway in the history of segways: "Well, maybe you'd like to go to dinner sometime with me." Oh just get ready for what I said...After I get over the initial shock and finally process what has just transpired, I say: "Umm, no that's okay. I don't really get very hungry. I'm good." What does that even mean??? I don't know. But then he says, "Well I can't be more than 15 years older than you." I said, "Really? I'm pretty sure you are...I'm 25." Then he says, "I'm 45. Twenty years isn't that bad." I just looked at him and with my eyes said, "Get the H away from me!" So he obliged, shook my hand and said, "It was very nice to meet you Kristen." I just said, "Uh huh, yeah." This was a really odd situation. First of all, he had already been in that day--so he came back and it was not for the purpose of making a Best Buy purchase. Secondly, the dude was 20 years older than me! Ewww!!! And thirdly, this man looked just like Kenny Rogers...a thinner version...but nonetheless he had the silver hair and full beard.
Here's my confession: As a child I had crushes on Kirk Cameron, John Stamos (Uncle Jesse was my fave)and a few others. Well, I also had an affinity for men with facial hair. Some of my bearded/stached crushes were George Michael, the guy off of "My Two Dads" and my all time favorite Tom Selleck. I still think Tom's a good looking guy..what??? Go on and say what you want, but he's a man's man. I mean hello? Quigley Down Under...The NRA. Yeah. But never, have I ever had a thing for Kenny Rogers---I don't want the recipe for his Roasters and I never will! And I am allergic to chicken.
In conclusion, I now have a designated "Best Buy Boyfriend" named Patrick who is a very good-looking seminary student. He walked me to my car and even opened my door :) There are still good guys out there--the kind that will be more than happy to be your escort and workplace boyfriend. So that's my story. Kenny Rogers has now been flagged and all is right in the world. Now if I could just get the security video from the Geek Squad...That would be amazing!

The Sketchy Gas Station Bathroom Life As I Know It

So yesterday I was in Mobile for my final (of 10) dental appointments. I arrived around 1:45 only to find myself in the middle of a severe thunderstorm. Needless to say, I was not excited about having an electric-powered drill in my mouth while enduring one of the worst summmer storms--that, by the way, brought with it a light show that would make any pyrotechnic engineer green with envy. Did someone say Nitrous? Cause' I'm pretty sure that's what kept me from freaking out...just saying. One hour and 3 shots later, I am finished and my mouth is set free from dental torture. But wait a minute...I can't feel my nose...uh oh...Every time I walk out of the dentist's office I look like one of those people on Ripley's Believe It or Not!--you know, the one's who can contort their faces--even being able to cover up there noses with their bottom lip. Umm yeah. Yesterday was no different. The entire right side of my face was frozen--I looked like John Edd Thompson back in 2000 when he suffered and recovered from Bell's Palsey. As I was walking to my car, "it" hit me and by "it" I mean my bladder "smacked me upside the head" screaming that we had to go--gotta go, gotta go, gotta go RIGHT NOW!!! I thought to myself, "Aww, man!!! I don't want to go anywhere looking like this!" I was momentarily beside myself.Then something in me rose up and I resolved to find a restroom because a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I remember the Chevron that sits on the corner of University and Grelot. It is the same gas station where I had a run-in with a killer bee. I pull up to the Chevron and walk in. I'm greeted by a man who looks and acts like the very effeminate black-guy from Bravo's The Fashion Show. Just a note: Issac Mizrahi is no Heidi Klum. Yeah, I said it. Anyway, I open the bathroom door with my shirt-sleeve and proceed to reach for the light switch. I flip the switch and....nothing...nada...zero light. Great.I've already locked myself in the bathroom and now I can't see. Blackberry to the rescue! I pull my phone out and use my handy "Flashlight" App to shed a little light on the toilet seat. As I am doing my thing I finally notice that it smells a little odd in here. No, I'm not talking about the usual fright-fest of odors that seem to linger in a public restroom. This was different. I search through the roll-a-dex of smells in my head and finally pinpoint the source of odorous emission. "What was it?," you ask. Well, friends it was WEED. Yes, WEED. As in, marijuana, pot, Mary Jane, reefer, dope, hash, chronic herb and grass. I immediately think to myself, "This is kind of funny. Someone has literally bonged-out the bathroom." I get out of their really quickly, walk up to the girly-man clerk (crooked face and all) and say, "Hey. Umm, the Women's bathroom light is out and it smells like weed. Have a nice day."

Jillian and Ben Got Hitched!!! WOO HOO!!!

My little Jillian Michelle (Jillian "Alexis" as she sometimes likes to say)got married this past Saturday to Ben McMillan,a wonderful man who loves the Lord :) Here are a few photos of the weekend events...