So yesterday I was in Mobile for my final (of 10) dental appointments. I arrived around 1:45 only to find myself in the middle of a severe thunderstorm. Needless to say, I was not excited about having an electric-powered drill in my mouth while enduring one of the worst summmer storms--that, by the way, brought with it a light show that would make any pyrotechnic engineer green with envy. Did someone say Nitrous? Cause' I'm pretty sure that's what kept me from freaking out...just saying. One hour and 3 shots later, I am finished and my mouth is set free from dental torture. But wait a minute...I can't feel my nose...uh oh...Every time I walk out of the dentist's office I look like one of those people on Ripley's Believe It or Not!--you know, the one's who can contort their faces--even being able to cover up there noses with their bottom lip. Umm yeah. Yesterday was no different. The entire right side of my face was frozen--I looked like John Edd Thompson back in 2000 when he suffered and recovered from Bell's Palsey. As I was walking to my car, "it" hit me and by "it" I mean my bladder "smacked me upside the head" screaming that we had to go--gotta go, gotta go, gotta go RIGHT NOW!!! I thought to myself, "Aww, man!!! I don't want to go anywhere looking like this!" I was momentarily beside myself.Then something in me rose up and I resolved to find a restroom because a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I remember the Chevron that sits on the corner of University and Grelot. It is the same gas station where I had a run-in with a killer bee. I pull up to the Chevron and walk in. I'm greeted by a man who looks and acts like the very effeminate black-guy from Bravo's The Fashion Show. Just a note: Issac Mizrahi is no Heidi Klum. Yeah, I said it. Anyway, I open the bathroom door with my shirt-sleeve and proceed to reach for the light switch. I flip the switch and....nothing...nada...zero light. Great.I've already locked myself in the bathroom and now I can't see. Blackberry to the rescue! I pull my phone out and use my handy "Flashlight" App to shed a little light on the toilet seat. As I am doing my thing I finally notice that it smells a little odd in here. No, I'm not talking about the usual fright-fest of odors that seem to linger in a public restroom. This was different. I search through the roll-a-dex of smells in my head and finally pinpoint the source of odorous emission. "What was it?," you ask. Well, friends it was WEED. Yes, WEED. As in, marijuana, pot, Mary Jane, reefer, dope, hash, chronic herb and grass. I immediately think to myself, "This is kind of funny. Someone has literally bonged-out the bathroom." I get out of their really quickly, walk up to the girly-man clerk (crooked face and all) and say, "Hey. Umm, the Women's bathroom light is out and it smells like weed. Have a nice day."
